Pancakes and a Jukebox

“It was Poppa”, I said to myself as I watched 4 silver dollar sized pancakes start to bubble in the middle. Cooking breakfast on the weekends is my “thing”. My love language to my kiddos who are 21, 19, and 15. I get the honor of fixing them such goodies as cinnamon rolls, waffles, biscuits, or – like today – pancakes to celebrate us making it through the week!

Although I use a mix, I always add a little extra “love” to my pancakes. A little bit of sugar to sweeten them, vanilla for good flavor, and cinnamon and nutmeg to add a little bit of “holidays” to the joy of eating them. I experimented quite a bit to get the perfect concoction of “love”. My kiddos were always very nice by saying how good they were, but it was the day that I honestly couldn’t make enough for them that solidified I had reached my goal. My 15 year old doesn’t even use syrup or powdered sugar. We have recently added a bit of bourgeoisie to our sweet breakfasts with a compote of powdered sugar, cream cheese, and vanilla on the side.

Although all of these things should hopefully by now have your mouth watering, there is one more element that I am positive makes all the difference – frying them in butter. A pat of butter will make the outsides a little crunchy and the inside just as fluffy as can be – think doughnuts, but flat.

It was my poppa that taught me about making pancakes. Now, mind you, he would have put his nose up at the cinnamon and nutmeg and the compote, but everything else was from him. Of course, on the Saturday morning he taught me how to make them, it was because I had requested them before the restaurant opened and he said “You can have ’em if you make ’em”. My little 15 year old self had no clue where to even start. So, he began spouting off ingredients as I ran around getting them together. Then he showed me the how to mix it together – making sure not to over-mix. It was the butter that sizzled on the flat top grill that he said “Okay, it’s ready. Put you a scoop of mix on there.” I was impatient and kept asking when it would be time to flip them, to which he replied “You gotta be patient. See them bubbles starting to pop up? Wait until the whole pancake is full of bubbles…. then you flip ’em”. As we waited for each one to bubble up we talked about school and family. He hated when I’d ask him questions about his childhood and teenage years. Honestly, he hated talking about himself at all.

He was in such a good mood that day. The COPD wasn’t so bad this particular Saturday.

After I ate and we cleaned up, we opened the shop waiting for the first customer. It was a slow morning, so I did what I always did when it was slow – I hit up the jukebox. I put in my coins and picked some of my favorites: Cat’s in the Cradle, Leader of the Pack, and my absolute favorite American Pie. He sat, with his arms propped up on the counter, wearing a white t-shirt and a red flannel with a pair of suspenders. He just shook his head at me as I sang and danced around him. When American Pie came on, I grabbed his hands and urged him out to the middle of the dining area. “C’mon Poppa! Just one song! I remember when you used to dance with Grandmother!! Dance with me, pleeeeaaasssseeee!!!!” I’m sure he did it in part just to shut me up, but he gently stood up and walked with me to the “dance floor”. It wasn’t fancy, just a little shuffle here and there, but it was my last dance with him.

Bill Parker was a hard man to most, but to me he was just perfect. He would tell me things like black eyed peas would make my eyes more blue or keeping my hair tucked behind my ears would cause them to stick out. He watched Mash and listened to Scotty Rhodharmer in the morning. He made biscuits and yelled at anyone who was in the kitchen, which was insane because he refused to cook most of the time but no one could do it as well as he could (eye roll). He smoked and drank and made me things; like a hope chest that I still have to this day. He was a carpenter by trade, and there are many houses locally I can say he worked on. He made me laugh and would chase me around the yard. He would also hold me on his lap as we all sat outside watching and listening to the rain fall. He made me love fried cabbage, cornbread, greens, and beans. My favorite memories are of his smile and his blue eyes which, majority of the time, could show just what kind of mood he was in.

He fought a hard battle with COPD, which he succumbed to the day before my 18th birthday. He was so frail at that point and the only thing that still showed his spirit were his smile and eyes. A week before he passed, I spent an afternoon with him. I rubbed his feet and we laughed about family, talked about me graduating, and he gave his opinion of my now husband. He told me he was proud of me and that he “guessed” my hubby was an okay kinda guy. I told him that he would get to be there for it all : the graduation, the wedding, any kids……. Only, he wasn’t.

If you still have your grandparents, love them hard. If you are like me, and have nothing but memories of your grandparents, talk about them. Keep them alive by telling their stories and teaching your loved ones the things they taught you.

Like pancakes and jukeboxes……..

What They Didn’t Know

It’s been three weeks since my grandmother passed away. Although she had been sick with COPD and lung cancer, my heart was still not ready for her to go. She fought like hell – being in and out of the hospital with pneumonia, struggling to get oxygen in to her battered lungs, she refused to lie down and let go. Instead, she dug her high heeled shoes into the hard ground beneath her and said “I dare you”. Her battle for breath ended quietly as she slipped into heaven, finally whole.

This is my tribute her…….

There are many things my grandmother kept to herself, but her age and middle name were two that she locked away and typically refused to ever share. Doris Marie peacefully and gracefully passed at age 83. She was steadfast, determined, resilient, passionate, and ohhhh so sassy!

One of 7 children, she was raised in a rural small town. Many of her stories included tales of walking to school or the mischief she and her siblings created. It was during one of these mischievous moments that she unexpectedly twirled into the arms of my grandfather. She had skipped school and was introduced to him at a local store. “I knew the moment I saw him that I was going to marry him” she had said, with a twinkle in eyes. Brought up to be tenacious and spirited, she eloped and soon a family was started.

Grandmother had 6 children. Four boys and two girls filled her life with joy, adventure, stress, sadness, and love. She loved each child for who they truly were, forever believing that they could conquer the world. Never one to back down, she worked tirelessly to help provide for her family. If you were to meet her children, you would see certain attributes that she instilled in them just by being her fantastic self. Hard work, determination, and faithfulness are the strong ones; followed quickly by loving big, being creative, and dreaming often.

She was preceded in death by her spouse and three of her children. I watched her stand gracefully stoic by each casket knowing her heart was broken into a million pieces. It was moments like those that her elegance really radiated.

There are 7 of us grandchildren who loved her dearly. Always speaking strength into us, she supported us through many transitions. Although our parents passed down the characteristics taught to them, grandmother would not miss an opportunity to teach us something new. We observed her strength and dignity each time we were around her. From showing us how to make her amazing oatmeal (butter, cream, and lots of sugar!) to empowering us in creativity and style, her imprint on our lives is deep and beautiful.

Eleven great grandchildren were held in her arms, each holding a special place in her heart. You would think with such a large family that maybe she would be running out of space in it, but yet again she showed what true love really looked like. I watched her allow a 3 year old to drive the lawn mower while she held them on her lap…… she was letting them write letters in the field with it. Listening to stories about cowboys, football, adventures that were dreamed of, dresses and dances, girlfriends and boyfriends, and even a fiance, her attention was undivided.

You see, my grandmother was simply spectacular. Sassy and smart, artistic and creative, silly and fun, classy, strong willed, driven, caring, and most of all devoted, she filled our lives the way a mother, grandmother, and great grandmother should.

I will end this tribute with a few phrases that my grandmother Doris said that will always stick with me:

Life is too short – eat dessert first. If you got it, flaunt it! Get up, put some make-up on, pull those shoulders back, hold your head high, and get to it!

And most importantly was this phrase : “You should be a writer.”

Here’s to you, grandmother……. here’s to you……..