And so it goes…..

I made up my mind when I started writing again that I would be honest. 

So here I am…..devastated. 

I wanted something. REALLY wanted this. REALLY needed this. All of my hopes, all of my heart, was dedicated to this. one. thing. I prayed for it. I spoke in faith over it. I did everything I was supposed to do. 

I DIDN’T GET IT. . .

I have cried. I have yelled. I have been angry at everyone – myself, the people involved, GOD. I have been miserable today. I just do not understand why. WHY????? This would change my life. It would change my family’s lives. It would be a TRUE answer to prayers. And it didn’t happen. Those who know the situation tell me everything I have told others – “we only see a sliver of the picture – there’s a reason”, “trust there is something better coming”, “God has a plan, trust it”…… 

So I sit, and cry. And write. Then…..This:

When I was little, I would tell everyone I met I wanted to be a truck driver. Just like my daddy. I loved those HUGE trucks, and my daddy was amazing at driving them. As a matter of fact, I still love seeing them at night, all lit up, sitting high above everything…….

But my daddy would tell me “Jennifer, you need to get an education. Be more than I am. Be your own boss….”

It was my dream, and my daddy thought it wasn’t good enough for me…..

He knew it wasn’t good enough for me. 

And if my earthly daddy loves me this much, how much more does my Heavenly Daddy love me? 

Heartbroken I sit. My eyes hurt from crying. My head hurts from thinking. My heart – just hurts. But – BUT – I love my daddy. Even more so, I love my Papa. My momma told me today to be the light. I am only a flicker, He is the flame. 

And as much as it hurts, as the tears still come, as the thoughts still invade – I will stand. I will dream again. I will triumph……..Eventually……

(Side note: I do know it is not grammatically correct to begin a sentence with “and”. Sometimes, life is messy – writing can be as well!)

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One thought on “And so it goes…..

  1. So yes, dear Jeannifer, this event has changed your life. Every event we experience changes our lives. The most important contributing fact is that our faith in the only God who created us, the Heavenly Father who knows your every heart desire also knows the future. He will always give us the freedom to choose what we do with the opportunities we have in life. Even in the disappointments in life we have the choice as to how we manage it.
    It is often in the disappointing events that we learn the most, about ourself, what we really value, in our faith. So when we know we are absolutely stripped down to our core, we know we have nothing left of our ability to manage or that we can not do anything to change the disappointment……..
    our Heavenly Father IS there! There to help us pick up the broken pieces of disappointment. Thank God for helping us pick up those broken pieces. There to hear our cry of heartache. Thank God that gives us his ear. So let us Thank Him. Let us remember to be thankful that He is there to guide us through the WHY of life………..

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