“I need you to soften my heart
To break me apart
I need you to open my eyes
To see that You’re shaping my life
All I am,
Give me faith to trust what you say
That you’re good and your love is great
I’m broken inside, I give you my life” (Give Me Faith)
Why is it so hard to trust when everything around you is failing? I’ll have to admit I’ve had a pretty cruddy week. It just seems like everything I enjoy, everything I hope for and everything my heart yearns for is farther away than ever.
My heart is so heavy. I can’t tell you how many nights I’ve went to sleep either crying or worrying. The bad part is, I could preach to myself about this. I know better! But, good golly, it is so hard to stand sometimes. I just wanna yell out “Okay! I’m done!”. I can’t give up, I can’t back down. At the same time I have no strength to fight, no will power to last. I know my God is in control, he has a plan, he has it all laid out. I know to put my trust in him, to rely on him, to relax in his promises.
All of that does not negate my mind and the realness of the hurt, disappointment and fear that envelopes my life right now.
(I know most of you are probably going “She must be REAL bad, she never writes like this!”)
I need the strength of my daddy, the steel thinking of my mom, the wisdom of my grandmother, and the peace of my Abba Father. All I need is already here, within me, I guess it’s just time to dig my heels in and come out swinging!
Ephesians 8-10You groped your way through that murk once, but no longer. You’re out in the open now. The bright light of Christ makes your way plain. So no more stumbling around. Get on with it! The good, the right, the true—these are the actions appropriate for daylight hours. Figure out what will please Christ, and then do it.11-16Don’t waste your time on useless work, mere busywork, the barren pursuits of darkness. Expose these things for the sham they are. It’s a scandal when people waste their lives on things they must do in the darkness where no one will see. Rip the cover off those frauds and see how attractive they look in the light of Christ.
Wake up from your sleep,
Climb out of your coffins;
Christ will show you the light!
So watch your step. Use your head. Make the most of every chance you get. These are desperate times!17Don’t live carelessly, unthinkingly. Make sure you understand what the Master wants. (The Message)