I am sitting on the couch with my 4 year old’s head in my lap. He has finally fallen asleep. For the past hour he had talked my ears off. He commented on everything from the t.v. show that was currently on, to a craft his class should do for Christmas. I finally got him to calm down and lay down, promising an ear rub and t.v. watching. He wrapped up in my plush blanket, rested his head on my knees and got still. It didn’t take long for his breathing to become slow and steady. Soon his little hands gave the all clear when his fingers unfolded. He was asleep.
Thoughts went through my head of everything I SHOULD be doing. Folding laundry, cleaning the kitchen, exercising . . . I didn’t want to move right yet, just in case he wasn’t really settled. So, I sat. His warmth soaked through my p.j. pants and his breathing almost put me to sleep. He is so beautiful. He’s a handful – a temper that at times embarrasses me, a stubborn streak that would frustrate a mule, and o.c.d. to boot. He can scream louder than any child I have ever met, and once he sets his mind to something forget trying to get him to do differently. But, right now, he is my sleeping baby.
When I found out I was pregnant with him, I was devastated. We were not wanting anymore children. We were preparing for making that a permanent thing when I found out I pregnant. I cried. For DAYS. Not that I didn’t think I was gonna enjoy him. It was just that we had a 6 year old and a 3 year old. We were finally starting to get ahead, things were starting to pan out and kinda slow down. I remember sitting in the car, yelling at God. What was he thinking?!? I couldn’t POSSIBLY do this again. I was angry with God, with his “plan”. I told him since this was all HIS idea, that there were some things HE was gonna have to take care of. #1. It had to be a boy. Anna was more girl than I could handle, and having two girls was out of the question. #2. We had just given away ALL the baby stuff we had kept. So there was gonna have to be some MAJOR provision. #3. I couldn’t gain a lot of weight. I had just recently started dieting and feeling good about myself. Gaining weight would only make my life more difficult. #4. The due date was Christmas day. I literally said “I know you may think it’s cute that my kid be born on your kid’s birthday, but I have a family to think about.”
Every single stipulation was met. Judah was it’s name. We were blessed beyond belief with baby items. I weighed 189 my first doctors visit. I weighed 192 the day he was delivered. His birthday is December 18th. God knew the whole time that I was gonna have a “prove it” attitude, and he already had all these things in motion. I loved him so very much. What a cutie he was! He was little compared to my other two (8lbs even). I stepped right into my role, just like riding a bike. I even went Christmas shopping with him 5 days after he was born!
I wondered what God had in store for this tiny surprise. I knew he had a BIG purpose, or else he wouldn’t be here. I would sit and watch him sleep and ponder what great things he was gonna do. Maybe a major evangelist. A famous worship leader. Inventor of a medication that cured an “incurable” disease. Yes, he was gonna do something AMAZING.
My grandmother (as well as the rest of the family) was enamored with him. She, however, had recently retired and spent LOTS of time with him. The older he got, the more he visited. She doted on him. Her son (my Uncle Jeff) passed away in 2008. Judah was not even two at the time. She had been out making arrangements for the funeral and had come back to the house. When she walked in the door, Judah was being held by his daddy. He immediately reached for her. She took him in her arms. For the first time ever, I watched my 1 and a half year old son wrap his little arms around her neck and squeeze. He held on for dear life and nuzzled his head into her neck. They stood for what seemed forever – a weakened great grandmother and her tiny person full of love and comfort. He didn’t know. He had no clue. But God did. I’m not saying that she wouldn’t have been comforted any less by the rest of us had Judah not been there; but I know – with out a doubt – his life gave her purpose. From that moment on, they were practically inseparable. He stayed over so much the next summer, he told everyone he lived at her house, not ours! They are a hoot to watch and listen to. I see her eyes twinkle with excitement about the possibilities of the trouble they are gonna get into. They are both stubborn. They are both outspoken. They both HATE to be woken up. They both love coffee. They love to be outside. She laughs at his “grown up” sayings. He laughs at her laughing. He takes care of her. She takes care of him.
Yes, he IS beautiful. His smile makes my worries, stress, sadness and concerns melt away. His statements can floor me. He is VERY smart. I couldn’t imagine life without him. I also know that one of his many life purposes was to be here for my grandmother. I know he’ll go on to do many other great things, I believe that about all my kids, but his greatest purpose has already been met. He is a life saver.
Psalms 139:13 – 16
Oh yes, you shaped me first inside, then out;
you formed me in my mother’s womb.
I thank you, High God—you’re breathtaking!
Body and soul, I am marvelously made!
I worship in adoration—what a creation!
You know me inside and out,
you know every bone in my body;
You know exactly how I was made, bit by bit,
how I was sculpted from nothing into something.
Like an open book, you watched me grow from conception to birth;
all the stages of my life were spread out before you,
The days of my life all prepared
before I’d even lived one day . . .